Where’s the Mustard?
I sit at the kitchen table with my parents and siblings. There is tension, of course, my father being the way he is. Then, all of a sudden he demands, “Where’s the mustard?” Everyone has to look. Then one by one we all start smiling and then giggling, except for my father, who gets even angrier and makes another demand. Eventually, someone points out that it is right in front of him. In fact, it could not have been any closer. The more he looks, the less he sees. This reminds me of my search for God, who also could not be any closer.
* * *
I am in my early 30’s and feeling quite empty. I visit a friend. I interrogate her the way I usually do about finding God. She has the spirituality I wish I had. She patiently answers my questions. I do not even remember the questions, but I remember her last answer, “No one searches this much for God who has not been called.” I leave feeling confident that I never need to search for God again. He has been with me all along. I also leave feeling her love, which in itself helps me feel the spiritual connection I seek.
* * *
I am in seventh grade and doing my homework. The door bell rings, and my mother calls for someone to answer it. Two of my brothers come running from different directions. They let in an A&P delivery boy with a box on his shoulder with a turkey and every fixing you could imagine. My mother looked longingly at the food and explained that she did not order it and could not pay for it. By this time, all the kids had gathered around. We were not expecting to have turkey on Thanksgiving, or even a meal. In fact, we had not had supper that evening. The delivery boy put the box down on the kitchen table and explained it was paid for by charity. My mother apologized for not having a tip. Actually, she did not have money for anything.
Just earlier in that evening, my two youngest brothers, ages four and five, came to where I was doing my homework. They asked me if I wanted hotdogs or hamburgers. I looked at them confused. Then I realized they would make me a make-believe meal. I said one of each. They proceeded to take imaginary pots and pans and made me an imaginary supper. They had had something light for supper themselves (we ate from the youngest up until the food ran out). I realized that they knew there was nothing left for me and that they cared. I told them their meal was delicious and thanked them very much. They left me smiling. I felt spiritually connected.
Two days later, we had the donated thanksgiving dinner. I remember how quiet it was when we were eating. We all seemed to be in shock. I remember how spiritually connected I felt knowing that people cared.
* * *
I am in my mid-40’s and am volunteering at the soup kitchen. My job this time is the salad. I wash the lettuce, then slice the tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, and onions. I am smiling. I love working in such a caring atmosphere with the other volunteers. Before serving, we hold hands and pray, “Lord, thank you for this food and for this opportunity to serve You by serving others.” We leave the work area and begin serving the guests. They number over 100. They wait patiently in line for their turn. We serve them. They thank us. I watch them eat. We serve them again until they have had enough. We clean up. I feel spiritually connected.
* * *
Today, I am listening to spiritual music. My favorite is Celtic Woman: A New Journey. These women do not just sing with their voices, they sing with their souls. They sing about giving and receiving love. Listening to them is a spiritual experience.
I am especially partial to soloist Chloe Agnew, who sings “Panis Angelicus” so beautifully it sounds heavenly. Even if I did not know the translation, I would know she is singing to God. People marvel at her voice, but I marvel at her spirituality and the spiritual intimacy that exudes from her voice.
This hymn contemplates becoming one with Jesus when we receive Holy Communion. It says that at this time, Jesus becomes our spiritual nourishment. It says that Jesus gives us the Gift of the Holy Eucharist so that He may always be with us. This hymn then prays to Jesus for our salvation so that we may dwell with Him in the afterlife. It is very intimate. The words were written in Latin by St. Thomas Aquinas and have been hymned to several different melodies.
The words and their meaning certainly contribute to my increased spiritual awareness, but there is also an additional dimension present when Chloe sings.
I realize I feel the most spiritually connected whenever I give and receive love. This spiritual music is about love. I am grateful that there is no need for me to search anymore. I found the mustard.
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