Blog 19 - Main Focus for Essay No. 4

My main focus is my spiritual connection and my journey to achieve it.
I want to make the following points:
1. I quested for enhanced spirituality throughout my life
2. It is probably what everyone is seeking
3. Various ways to get it
a) Church
b) Bible
c) Prayer
d) Meditation
e) Love
4. Mistaken ways to get it
a) Any indulgence (drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.)
b) Materialism - American dream
5. Spiritual scenes:
a) Receiving the DVD Celtic Woman: A New Journey from Netflix
b) Thanksgiving dinner from charity when I was in seventh grade
c) “No one searches this way who hasn’t been called.”
* * *
I don’t always get excited when the mail comes, but that was not the case today when I received the DVD from Netflix entitled Celtic Woman: A New Journey. I love this concert. I’ve seen it multiple times on public television, and I’ve watched various clips on YouTube. These women don’t just sing with their voices , they sing with their souls. Listening to them is a spiritual experience.
Take Celtic Woman Chloe Agnew for instance. She sings “Panis Angelicus” so beautifully it sounds heavenly. Without even knowing the translation, I can tell she is singing to God. People marvel at her voice, but I marvel at her spirituality. How does one get there? How does that level of spiritual intimacy exude through someone’s voice? The English translation follows. Basically, it is about receiving Holy Communion.

Bread of Angels,
made the bread of men;
The Bread of heaven
puts an end to all symbols:
A thing wonderful!
The Lord becomes our food:
poor, a servant, and humble.
We beseech Thee,
Godhead One in Three
That Thou wilt visit us,
as we worship Thee,
lead us through Thy ways,
We who wish to reach the light
in which Thou dwellest.
Amen
* * *
The door bell rings, and my mother calls for someone to answer it. Two of my brothers come running from different directions. They let in an A&P delivery boy with a box on his shoulder with a turkey and every fixing you could imagine. My mother looked longingly at the food and explained that she did not order it and could not pay for it. By this time, all the kids had gathered around curious. We were not expecting to have turkey on Thanksgiving, or even a meal. In fact, we had not had supper that evening. The delivery boy put the box down on the kitchen table and explained it was paid for by charity. My mother apologized for not having money for a tip. Actually, she had no money for anything. This was the Thanksgiving I remember when I was in seventh grade.

Just earlier in that evening, my two youngest brothers, ages four and five, came to where I was doing my homework. They asked me if I wanted hotdogs or hamburgers. I looked at them confused. Then I realized they would make me a make-believe meal. I said one of each. They proceeded to take imaginary pots and pans and made me an imaginary supper. They had had something light for supper themselves (we ate from the youngest up until the food ran out). That is when I realized that they knew there was nothing left for me and that they cared. I told them their meal was delicious and thanked them very much. They left me smiling.
Two days later, we had thanksgiving dinner. I remember how quiet it was while we were eating. We all seemed to be in shock. My father always said, “There is nothing like food when you’re hungry,” although he didn’t say it this time. I remember how spiritually connected I felt knowing that people cared.
* * *
I remember when I realized I had the spiritual connection I quested and in fact had had it all along. I just didn’t know what to expect. I thought it would mean that I would be a better person - or good. When I let myself and others down, I believed I didn’t have that connection. I didn’t realize like I do now that the connection means that I rely on God for help and guidance, and that I don’t try to do everything on my own. I am not always being tested and graded. I am just living and relying on God to get me through. God can do for my what I cannot do for myself.
I found this out when I was in my mid-30’s and I dropped in on my friend. She was a born again Christian and I wanted to grill her again on how to get close to God. There were times when she would spend a lot of time explaining things to me. This time, however, she just said, “No one searches this much for God who hasn’t been called.” I left and as I drove away, I realized God was with me all along. I just needed to trust. I just needed to know that all my prayers were heard and that there was nothing to worry about. Now anytime I become afraid, I just remind myself that God is in charge, and I relax.